And just when I think I’m making progress,
She slowly digresses back into her head.
She’s made me infatuated with the unknown;
I compare her in conversation,
To store front reflections;
I’m constantly fogging up,
Slobbering on:
Trying to peer closer inside,
Like an eager child.
Fucked:
As I stand out like a sore thumb,
Erratically standing there —wide eyed,
In calm of the night;
Wading in social scenes for her,
Foaming at the mouth with all of the things
— left unsaid.
I want your tongue in my mouth,
I want your limbs all strewn about,
please seek refuge in my bed;
(I want you out of my head.)
(I want you out of my head.)
(I want you out of my head.)
sure. definitely. and thank you so much!
Drink myself down from that ledge;
Everything is always what it seems.
Contrary to self esteem,
She laughs like a sunrise,
She talks like a sunset.
Nervous in her intentions,
Something that is only seen
In the weary hours of the day.
Something that is only seen
in the eyes of the night.
She’s got mannerisms that tell a tale
I’ll never begin to understand.
Both enlightening, yet passive.
Sometimes the calm of the storm
Is the worst part.
Sometimes the calm of the storm
Is the worst part.
Sometimes the calm of the storm
Is the worst part.
Lay on the pavement.
Place my hand in gun formation;
Begin aiming at an unidentified target in the open sky.
With slurring sound effects and drunken precision,
I have successfully shot down every bright star on my radar.
Yet, oh so, diligently, after all;
They have been fucking with me all this time.
seeing her
happy;
— is like,
losing twenty dollars.
because you got too drunk,
the night before,
vomiting violently into the bushes.
yet,
just when all hope was thought to be,
lost;
you find a ten dollar bill,
in your left pocket,
washed and worn,
two days later.
smiling feverishly
at your findings,
lying; telling yourself
you may have only lost;
half the battle.
because everyone wants
someone around; that is
more obsessed with them
— than they are.
They are passing around cocaine like it’s holy bread on a Sunday. A nod of the head, crouch down, and up the nose it goes. I’m still trying to figure out which one of them is going to be the asshole that steals the donation basket during final sermon. I’m sitting tight in my pew, listening diligently to my coked out congregation. Every one’s mouths move back and forth, their voices directing a conversational orchestra. All their pupils preach something I’ll never begin to understand. I decided I should start this now, sip the beer, type a line, delete it, analyze the fuck out of it, look up, shoot a glance at the floor, formulate some sadistic fairy tale, look down, begin typing again, sip the beer, spill the beer, delete the entire paragraph. It’s Mid-September, and the reflection process of the past year of my life has already begun. You’re still sitting pretty on my frontal lobe, making origami with all my memories, throwing them out as bait, hoping my nervous system will continue to bite. My mind goes astray, mind fucked amidst the beaten path, underneath grey night skies, sitting outside on a porch, with five to seven people that have nothing in common except for situations, created by other people, spawning into yet another batch of situations, spinning, and inhaling cigarettes, making excuses for the present tense, all the while romanticizing the past tense. Sex. Orientation. Sarcasm. Sex. Spite. Collision. Sex. Disembodiment. Don’t worry, you’ll get to meet them all later. I’m still half in love with all of my mistakes, but my morals make my ears ring for hours, as I dig up the beginning of all this, forcing it all back into my memory:
Well, that’s it, that’s the room and the apartment, we have two other appointments today, so, I guess we’ll get back to you after that.
So it’s 400 a month plus utilities?
Yes.
Okay cool, is this a busy neighborhood?
Just the college kids, but eh, not too bad.
Ah, I see.
Parking isn’t bad either.
Did you know that gay pride is next weekend?
Yeah, we heard.
So, are you guys okay with gay people?
Oh yeah, definitely, one of my best friends just came out.
Okay, cool, because I’m gay.
Oh, ha ha, that’s cool.
So, that’s not weird or an issue?
No, definitely not, no way.
Well, then I’m interested in the room.
Okay we’ll let you know by tomorrow at the latest.
It was nice meeting you both.
Nice meeting you too, we’ll be in touch.
(MAY25TH08:35PM)- Hey, just to let you know if you want the room it’s all yours, the other two that came didn’t cut it. See you June 1st.
